It's fascinating, in a horrible, twisted sort of way.
Right now, the world around me is more unstable than it has ever been in my recollection, from economic, political, and social standpoints. And mostly, I've been touched by that final of the three: the social upheavals in my small world have been monumental, and lately have all seemed to be centered around personal beliefs and, if nothing else, religion.
If the "R" word scares you, feel free to skip this entry and return to read when there's another, more light-hearted one. The last thing I want is to cause a problem, or to offend.
If you're okay with it, though, I'm religious, and while I always have been, I've lately started to feel closer to God, and I've begun to grow in my faith again. I just started a new devotional book, and I've also started to realize how truly and deeply happy I am with myself when I'm truly and deeply happy with my Maker. And while I'm so incredibly glad that I've had some experiences that have drawn me back to my faith, and I'm glad that I'll be going off to college with a solid belief in my religion, there have been events in the past months that make me really, really sad.
The people that I thought would be more dependable in their faith, or even those who I looked to for moral aptitude, have faltered or failed or completely abandoned their beliefs.
I'm not pointing fingers, and I'm not calling anyone out, and I'm not saying any of this to make you feel guilty or because of a better-than-thou complex. But honestly, this is really puzzling for me, and it's started to wear on my emotions. Today, I got an email from an old friend with whom my relationship has been rocky of late. In it, he confessed to me his thanks for those recent hardships, because I've helped him realize that he doesn't believe in God anymore, since he doesn't really have any "evidence" or "reason" to keep his faith. And although he thanked me for helping him find that part of himself, I can't help but be overwhelmingly crushed.
I mean, that's not quite what one wants to hear after they've decided that God truly is top priority in their life, right?
And I know it has to be hard, otherwise more people would be living differently, but (as cryptic and backward as it sounds) that doesn't make it any easier.
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1 comment:
We've discussed this sort of thing before, so you know I'm feeling all this upheaval, too.
I'm really glad you've found peace for yourself, even if others disapoint you. It's a hard thing to accept sometimes, but happiness and tranquility really must come from within yourself.
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